Old People Are Hilarious

I am currently the director of therapy at a nursing home in Texas. I have worked as a speech-language pathologist for over 3 years in the nursing home setting, and I have found during my time there, old people say what they mean and mean what they say. They have no filter. They figure, hell, life is too short to be polite and use social graces. And it's because of them, I decided to start this blog. Those hilarious one liners that make me love my job and look forward to going to work everyday. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I challenge those people--you can. And they can teach you some tricks along the way.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Ned the Pervert

When I first decided to write a blog about my job and the funny things I hear from geriatrics on a daily basis, I realized that I could not begin telling funny stories from the day I started the blog.  I have too many hilarious things that I've written down that happened 'pre-blog.' So I want to share those first.

The first side-splitter that I was a part of happened 2 weeks after starting this job.  I was fresh out of graduate school and was still wet behind my ears, so to speak.  I evaluated a man with middle stage Alzheimer's disease and put him on my caseload.  Funny thing about him--let's call him Ned--the more advanced the Alzheimer's got, the more perverted he became.  More than once, I had to slap a hand away and tell him sternly, "No I will not get in bed with you." So one day I decided to take Ned to Bingo...get him socialized and become more of a part of our community.  We sat with another one of my patients, a sweet little lady named 'Doris'.  And I warned Doris--I said, "Doris-please don't take offense if Ned says something inappropriate.  He can't help it."  She assured me this would not offend her and we started the Bingo game. It wasn't 5 minutes into it when Ned looked at Doris and said, "Damn you got a nice pair of titties." I was in shock--and Doris started laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.  I kept apologizing and got really really red.  She caught her breath and said, "He really must be out of his mind--I've had a double mastectomy. But thank you just the same honey." 

1 comment:

  1. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. The kids I work with don't say anything nearly this funny. I hope they do though. THen maybe I could be a guest blogger?? Love you!

    ReplyDelete