From the Mouths of Old People: Nursing Home Humor: Cecil

Old People Are Hilarious

I am currently the director of therapy at a nursing home in Texas. I have worked as a speech-language pathologist for over 3 years in the nursing home setting, and I have found during my time there, old people say what they mean and mean what they say. They have no filter. They figure, hell, life is too short to be polite and use social graces. And it's because of them, I decided to start this blog. Those hilarious one liners that make me love my job and look forward to going to work everyday. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I challenge those people--you can. And they can teach you some tricks along the way.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Cecil

Here's one from today.
Side note: Please forgive the vulgarity. I'm just telling it like he said it.

I went in Cecil's room to check on him at lunch. Cecil is on a pureed diet (looks like baby food) and he has a tendency not to eat it. Sometimes I don't blame him. Anyway, I asked him how his lunch was and his response? "Tasted like shit." I said, "Well then, why did you eat it? You can always ask for something else at lunch." And he replied, "Well, I'm starving and I figured it would be better to eat shit than to eat nothing at all." I laughed and said, "You didn't even like your dessert? I think it's apple crisp." And he thought for a second...and said, "I tasted it and you know what it tasted like? Opossum cum. You ever had opossum cum?" To which I quickly replied, "Nope. Sure haven't." (Who the heck has even thought about tasting that???) And he said, "Welp, I've eaten it and it tastes like shit. Just like that dessert." So I left--I didn't have much to argue with him about. Because I'm sure opossum cum is pretty darn nasty, and if the dessert tasted like it, I wouldn't want to eat it either.