Evelyn

Evelyn is hilarious.  She's 97, has her own teeth, is deaf, and is a tank.  She's indestructible. She falls over and over again and always gets right back up. We've had her on therapy before and she's hit on my male PTA more times than I can count. She always asks him if he'll be her boyfriend. Plus the fact that she speaks German, Spanish and English, sometimes in the same sentence--and that just makes her funnier. Physical therapy has her on caseload right now and on Fridays, we do a little group. Today in group, I asked Evelyn if she knew what one of the therapist's names was, and what was her answer??? "I rode a bull calf once."  I yelled in her ear the question again, and what was her response? "I really did ride a bull calf.  It's harder than hell to ride one of those things." I gave up.

My physical therapist told me today that Evelyn pulled out her boob yesterday in the therapy room. When she pulled it out, she exclaimed, "Oh my goodness, I forgot I had those things.  When the hell did they get so saggy?" When my PT told her that there were men present, she shrugged her shoulders and replied, "It ain't nothing they've never seen before." Then tucked her boob back up under her shirt.

Wilma and Geanine

Wilma is hard of hearing. Actually, she can't hear a damn thing.  You have to yell at her if you want her to hear anything. Geanine, on the other hand, is the epitome of demure. She has a soft sophisticated feel to her voice and has a tendency to be a little dramatic. She's usually very soft spoken and rarely raises her voice.

Wilma and Geanine both spend their days in the lobby. They like to watch the people go in and out and make comments about every single thing they see.  As we're all aware, it's been HOT in Texas. And the other day, Geanine decides to comment about the weather.  She says to Wilma, "It's hotter than Hades." Wilma gives her a blank stare and says, "I can't hear you.  Speak louder." Geanine leans closer and yells, "It's hotter than hell!!!" Wilma looks at her. "I still can't hear you." Geanine yells, "Hell! Hell! It's hotter than hell!!!" Wilma shouts back at her, "I'm not going to hell!!! If anyone is going to hell, it's you, you ole biddy!!!!"

HAHA

Edgar

I had not realized how long it had been since I last posted!  That's unacceptable, and I now have a renewed fervor for the blog.  Let's hope it continues. :) I have a lot of catching up to do.

I have a patient on my caseload right now named Edgar. Edgar is a pretty unusual guy--he has absolutely no social filter.  He calls every female he sees either 'babycakes,' 'sugar lips,' or just plain 'baby.'  Unfortunately for him, Edgar has swallowing problems.  And anytime a patient has swallowing problems, I have to order an xray to assess the swallow called an MBSS. A van comes to the facility and another SLP and radiologist do the study. When someone has swallowing difficulties, SLPs use two words to describe if food or liquid gets to the level of the vocal cords--penetration and aspiration.  It's not really important to the story what the words mean, but I figure you know where I'm going with this...

So Edgar and I get on the van and it turns out the SLP doing the study is really young and cute.  Inside, I'm cringing, because I know how this is going to go--a big 'ole game of grab-ass. So she gets started and introduces herself.  Luckily, Edgar is on his best behavior--at first. But as the SLP gets into the study, Edgar gets on a roll. She talks about her findings out loud and then I hear the phrase, "there's subepiglottic coating but no penetration is noted." And then there's a pause. Edgar looks at her, smirks, and says, "There may not be no penetration now, but I'd sure like there to be some on this here bus later." Then he proceeds to grab her ass.

Luckily, the SLP was a good sport and let him know that the first grope is free.