Old People Are Hilarious

I am currently the director of therapy at a nursing home in Texas. I have worked as a speech-language pathologist for over 3 years in the nursing home setting, and I have found during my time there, old people say what they mean and mean what they say. They have no filter. They figure, hell, life is too short to be polite and use social graces. And it's because of them, I decided to start this blog. Those hilarious one liners that make me love my job and look forward to going to work everyday. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I challenge those people--you can. And they can teach you some tricks along the way.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Margaret and Vince

From time to time, we'll get couples in our nursing home.  Some want to live together in the same room, and others...well let's just say that it's better for their health and sanity (and those of the people who work at the nursing home) if they are put in different rooms. It's also really interesting how the dynamics of a relationship change as the couple ages. I mean, alot of the men that come to stay with us are veterans--men's men.  Strong men who fought for our freedom.  Men who have traveled around the world and were probably womanizers at one time. And the women of the Baby Boomer Era were homemakers generally.  They gave their lives to their families.  They were typically Christian woman who believed that men were the leaders of the home.  I use those terms in the past tense because all of that changes as they get older.  It's been my experience that women get more ballsy and men get more submissive! Women wear the pants in the nursing home relationships. It's like the men are so beat down, they'll do anything to shut their wives up. We have a couple who have been at our facility for a while now and they live together--Margaret and Vince.  I haven't heard Vince speak but maybe a few words and Margaret can be loud and crass.  A couple of days ago, I was doing some swallowing therapy in the dining room and was sitting at a table next to theirs.  They had finished their breakfast and Vince had gotten up to leave, leaving his prune juice untouched. He was just about to grab his walker when Margaret yells at him. "Daddy, you better drink that prune juice!!!!" He looked at her with an annoyed sigh.  She yelled again, "Daddy, you better drink that prune juice or you'll get the constipation and I don't want you to have the constipation!!!!!!!" He didn't say a word but picked up the juice and took a small sip. She immediately yelled at him, "DADDY--DRINK, DRINK, DRINK IT!!!!" And as he chugged that god awful stuff, she started chanting, as if he were shot gunning a beer, "DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!" And after he drank it, she said in a normal tone, "Now, see.  All done.  And you can poop now." And he walked off with his walker in silence, leaving her to trail behind him.

After they left, it made me wonder what it would be like if my husband and I had to live in a nursing home together when we got old.  And all I have to say is--based on my personality now-- that I feel SO sorry for him when that time comes!!!  He's gonna thank the Lord that he's 8 years older than me....

No comments:

Post a Comment