Old People Are Hilarious

I am currently the director of therapy at a nursing home in Texas. I have worked as a speech-language pathologist for over 3 years in the nursing home setting, and I have found during my time there, old people say what they mean and mean what they say. They have no filter. They figure, hell, life is too short to be polite and use social graces. And it's because of them, I decided to start this blog. Those hilarious one liners that make me love my job and look forward to going to work everyday. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I challenge those people--you can. And they can teach you some tricks along the way.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Claire Again

Well, now that Claire is doing therapy, it seems that we can't get rid of her.  Even after her session is over, she wants to hang out in the therapy room.  We have a dog that lives at our facility named Cosmo--he's old (he just turned 14), lazy, and deaf.  He, too, hangs out in the therapy room all of the time.  But that may be because he gets a regular flow of doggie treats throughout the day there.  Cosmo has a bad habit of laying down right in front of the entrance to the therapy room for some reason, which makes it a little hard for our residents to get in. This afternoon, Claire decided she wanted to eat her ice cream sandwich in the therapy room, but Cosmo happened to be in the way.  My PT suggested to her, "Just encourage him to get out of the way.  Let him know you mean business and he'll move. And remember, he's deaf, so speak loudly."  Claire looked down at Cosmo and yelled at the top of her lungs, "G*D D**N SON OF A B****! MOVE YOUR OLD ASS OUT OF THE WAY!" Now, I'm used to cussing--it's actually kind of sad that I'm almost immune to it.  But the bad part of the whole thing was that today was payday at the nursing home.  And when it's payday, the employees all bring their young children to the nursing home with them to pick up their checks.  At this particular time of day, there just happened to be a bunch of little children doing puzzles in our therapy room.  And they ALL looked up at Claire after her little outburst. I immediately said, "Claire, there are little children in here."  And she quickly snapped at me, "Hell Melissa. You know I can't see."  And then muttered under her breath before taking a huge bite out of her ice cream, "Those kids can just get over it."

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